All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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