My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
