Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
