Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize