He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
