so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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