you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
