I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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