dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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