Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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