I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize