I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
