ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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