You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
