my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
