the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
