It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
