I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
