i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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