she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
