Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
