I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize