he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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