3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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