it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
