Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize