I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
