he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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