I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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