He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
