You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
