The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
