I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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