I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
