You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
