I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
