I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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