just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
