she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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