boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
