You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
