that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize