You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
