I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
