just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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