i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
