the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
