He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My life is pants optional.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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