Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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