he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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