shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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