but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
