Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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