to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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