The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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