Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she looked like the before picture.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
