Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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