So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
