i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
