but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize