Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i drank out of a bidet.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
