And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
