those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
