Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
