hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
