So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
