I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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