he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
