you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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