he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
