Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
