I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
