Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
