That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
