I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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