***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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