Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
