I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
