The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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