I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize