before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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