I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
