I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
