the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
