a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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