Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
