Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
