just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
