I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize