Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
