Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
