He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
