Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
did i just pee glitter
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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