I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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