I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
