Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
