FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
