You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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