idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Houston, we have a blender
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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