What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
