Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
