Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The Olympian is in my bed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize