"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
