It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
