if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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