theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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