I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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