i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
