dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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