I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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