i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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