What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize