i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize