You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
